Friday, February 12, 2016

Nighttime Lessons from a Head Cold

It's just after 3 am and I'm awake and sipping on yet another a cup of tea with honey in an effort to soothe this hacking cough. Elias and have I both picked up a cold that turned into fever and chills. It's been a rough few days. Next to me in bed, my sweet husband is trying to sleep through the many sounds. My hacking, the baby's soft sniffly whine on the monitor, the kettle heating up again in the kitchen. Then I hear the frustrated cries of my darling child begin to swell as he struggles to breathe.

Initially, I was exasperated to hear Eli up again after I had just finally got my cough contained enough to sleep. Bleary-eyed, I went in to his room and began feeling around in the dark for his little hands and face. He wrapped his arms around my neck and buried his face into my shoulder in relief as I carried him to the chair to nurse. His whining ceased. The coughing temporarily stayed.

His limbs began to go limp in sleep and peace as I held him and my perspective suddenly shifted. My exhaustion turned to joy and I thanked God for providing such a moment with my son. It was such a vibrant reminder of my own helplessness and times of crying out in the night. No matter how hard the circumstances or how dark the night, the Lord has never abandoned me. Every hour of need and feeble cry, He has been there. And it strengthened me.

My son needed me, whether I wanted him to or not. Whether I had the energy or none at all. My aching body shaking with chills and holding him in the dark was what he needed. And because of love, I was there. I never thought I would thank God for having a bad head cold, but in that moment I did.

It was a lesson and reminder that I desperately needed. I am not alone. I am loved. Being a mom has been such a challenging time for me full of sleepless nights and exasperation. But it has also been a season of learning the Gospel anew and leaning in to the hard times.

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